First Day of New Year

First day of 'new year'. Ropey night in hostal Nuria. But absolutely typical of expectation. No air con, window open, noise from medieval streets. Mad sax player at 2am...argument in Catalan with neighbours. ..and nearly with me. Smoke-filled bar with local blue collars...Itchy bed, flat pillow...but nice bathroom. Traffic noise.... Back ache...fleas? Not sure. Maybe just my imagination. Check back on this point.
Everything as expected ...except feeling of vulnerability. (always thought I was a really resilient adventurer) Sadly this is overwhelming any sense of joy,liberation,excitement. Although I get by well I realize ...esp with the 2 langs that I am a COMPLETE foreigner. My notion of being a hispanophile is a joke. I'm a wannabe. It will take years.And does it provide any answers? Dunno. Although I already realize that to be happy you need good friends and family around you.
Went to main flat rental agency. They very aggressively pointed out I would need to give 6 mthd dep. And/or have a referee in order to get a flat. So reconsidering private paper ads. Decide take refuge in the joy of a Menu del Dia on Placa de la Font. Olives, ensalada, paella, postre, vino (bottle on table for you to help yourself) for 13e. Feeling better! Siesta needed. Made ap. to see a flat by market. Private ad. Quite hopeful. Sweet old couple meet me outside a typically dark dusty and depressing building. Show me flat of matching description. Big. With typical dodgy Spanish wiring. Depressing furnishings. Four bedrooms.....except one cannot be used because it is unsafe due to subsidence after a block of flats was built nearby 8 years ago. Still trying to get the insurance money. He showed me the huge cracks then shut the door and calmly told me to pretend that room didn't exist! Shame. Big flat. But no thanks!